I’m a Legal Person Patriot (Addicted to Court)

Verse 1
The gavel drops, and I feel the rush,
Paper bullets flyin’, I can’t get enough.
I filed one motion, then I filed four more,
The clerk just sighs—“sir, please leave the floor.”

Pre-Chorus
I wave my rights like a flag in the storm,
Every statute I cite gets twisted and torn.
The bailiff laughs, the judge looks bored,
But I’ll be back tomorrow, ‘cause I live for the court!

Chorus
Whoa—oh—oh!
I’m a legal person patriot, addicted to court,
With a birth bond brief and a freedom report.
Whoa—oh—oh!
Gonna file all night, it’s my favorite sport,
I’m a legal person patriot, addicted to court!

Verse 2
Constitution quotes from the back of my van,
I serve subpoenas to my pizza man.
I cross-examine the neighbors’ cat,
Even my rooster knows “objection to that!”

Pre-Chorus
I’ll cite Black’s Law ‘til the cows come home,
Latin phrases I barely know.
The jury rolls their eyes, the stenographer snores,
But I’ll appeal forever, I can’t ignore—

Chorus
Whoa—oh—oh!
I’m a legal person patriot, addicted to court,
With a strawman file and a sovereign retort.
Whoa—oh—oh!
I’m a pro se rock star with a case to distort,
I’m a legal person patriot, addicted to court!

Bridge (Breakdown, big 80’s drums + synth)
Filed in the morning, filed at night,
Paper storms of legal might.
One more claim, one more writ,
I’m the king of motions that never fit!

Final Chorus (bigger, shout-along)
Whoa—oh—oh!
I’m a legal person patriot, addicted to court,
With a freedom fax and a rebel report.
Whoa—oh—oh!
No judge, no jury can cut me short—
I’m a legal person patriot, addicted to court!